Spoiler for UFC 112: Anderson Silva is a piece of shit

Anderson Silva vs. Demian Maia is hand’s down one of the worst UFC main events of all time. Certainly the worst since Anderson Silva vs. Thales Leites. And THAT was the most pathetic UFC main event since…Anderson Silva vs. Patrick Cote.

I’m sensing a pattern here.

How can the best pound-for-pound fighter in MMA also be the biggest asshole in MMA?

Here is a summary of the fight in point form:

• R1: Silva is in ‘feeling out’ mode…he bobs and weaves, lands a beautiful jumping knee, and some accurate strikes. Nothing of major significance, but all good so far.
• R2: Silva is in control, landing shots from the outside and stuffing takedowns. He’s dancing around and being a bit of a clown, but still keeping busy and causing damage.
• R3: Silva decides to stop fighting and start backpedaling. He seems bored and disinterested in the fight already. Mike Goldberg explains that he’s “Just waiting to explode!” Indeed we all are.
• R4: More of the same. Now the fans are booing Silva, and chanting for Maia who is pressing the action and landing some strikes.
• R5: MAJOR boos from the crowd as Silva runs. Literally, he ran. The referee pulled Anderson aside and THREATENED TO TAKE A POINT AWAY if he didn’t stop running. This is getting pathetic. The fans are now chanting loudly for Maia and also chanting for GSP out of boredom.

Anderson wins a decision, and oddly they don’t announce the scorecards. Hmm. I can’t see Anderson winning R4 or R5 based solely on his unwillingness to engage.

I have no idea what the future holds for Anderson, but I can’t see Dana White trusting him with a main event slot for a long, long time.

UWA Hardcore Wrestling – February 15, 2008

Jimmy Olsen VS. Brody Lee

Brody Lee comes out to Matt Hughes’ theme song, and looks like he’s going for a trailer-trash gimmick. The theme to Full House plays and out comes Jimmy Olsen, who’s now a solo act since Collin is in the WWE wrestling Viscera and Kane on a nightly basis.

Match starts hot with a solid big man vs. little man dynamic. Olsen hits a sick tope through the ropes, and sends Lee crashing through the barrier, taking out a number of fans in the process.

Some good transitions and stiff work by both men, with Lee going for a yakuza kick on several occasions. He finally connects, and nearly kills Olsen. Finish comes when Olsen scores a flash pin, and Lee is stunned.

Solid opener.

El Generico VS. Lionel Knight

The “Ole!” music hits and here comes Generico. The fans are hot for him. Knight comes out to the usual chants about his undersized testicles.

VERY good match with excellent work by both men, as you’d expect. Some insane head-dropping ensues towards the end of the match, with both men suplexing each other half to death.

Eventually Generico hits the running Kawada kick in the corner, and transitions into the Brainnnnbustaaaa, which plants Knight head-first into the top turnbuckle. 3-count and that’s a wrap.

Big ovation, and a “Please come back” chant from the crowd.

Tyler Black VS. Kevin Steen

Black comes out, grabs the mic and apologizes for last month’s comments. After virtually no reaction by the crowd, Steen hits the ring. Mr. Wrestling tells Black that he shouldn’t apologize, since he told the UWA fans one time that he’s spray them with a bodily fluid “ie. cum” and he never apologized.

Steen plays the asshole heel perfectly, and the crowd loves it. A handshake attempt ends up with Steen shooting a snot-rocket into Tyler’s palm. He then proceeds to wipe his hand on the referee’s shirt. Nice. Steen assures the ref that Tyler will apologize for it next month.

This was definitely match of the night, and should have been waaay later in the card. Tyler Black is a phenomenal athlete, and had great chemistry with Steen in the ring. At one point Black went for a lionsault, landed on his feet, and then without missing a beat hit a standing shooting star press.

After some awesome near-falls, Steen blocks God’s Last Gift (Tyler’s Fisherman Buster/Small Package) and transitions Black into a vile Package Piledriver.

No one gets up from that, and a 3-count ends it.

****1/4, and easy MOTN. I hope this makes UWA’s Best of 2008 DVD.

“Steen!” chant breaks out after the win, and it’s well deserved. No love for Tyler and his amazing effort, as usual. Tyler gets on the mic and says he’s coming back next month…to start the revolution.

Johnny Gargano VS. Ricky Reyes

I have never seen Garango before, but he looks like a WCW Nitro jobber from the mid-90’s. He hits a little bit of offence, but nothing mind-blowing.

The crowd is absolutely dead for this match. Reyes is rock-solid as a competitor, but he doesn’t have the type of personality that gels with the UWA crowd. And his heavily mat-based offence is difficult to get into, especially in a ‘hardcore’ wrestling environment.

End comes when Reyes hits a brainbuster, and pulls Garango up after a 2-count. He teases the Dragon Sleeper/Bodylock combination, but gets rolled in a flash pin and loses.

Garango wins, and the crowd is silent.

Triple Threat Match
Josh Abercrombie VS. Mdogg20 VS. Shane Hollister

Why is some guy named Shane Hollister in a triple-threat match for the #1 contendership? That’s almost as confusing as M-Dogg 20, who comes out looking like Fidel Castro. He’s wearing a Cuban army jacket and hat, along with mirrored aviator glasses and he’s sporting a massive fake beard. He explains that he’s really Matt Cross, and that he’s coming for J-Pro’s UWA title.

Alrighty then.

The match starts, and to my complete surprise Cross’ beard isn’t fake. Hmm…strange.

There must have been an incredible breakdown in communication in this match, as it fell apart at nearly every turn. Cross consistently puts on great matches, but he couldn’t do anything with Josh and Shane. No high-flying offense from Cross, as the fans don’t care about his anyway, so why bother?

One day the UWA fans will realize that when you boo wrestlers for working their asses off, they’ll eventually stop doing high-risk moves. That’s why Cross hits all sorts of insane offense in ROH where the fans are respectful, and he’s phones it in during his UWA appearances.

A nice spot happens when Cross hits the mushroom stomp on Hollister’s back, and rebounds over to Abercrombie – all Mario style and shit. Brutal move.

In the end Abercrombie isolates Hollister, and after a modified facelock submission, forces a tap-out.

Josh Abercrombie is, for some reason, your new #1 contender – and will face Josh Prohibition next month. Interesting match-making decision. From the perspective of in-ring ability, popularity with the fans, and overall status, this would be the equivalent of Scotty 2 Hotty getting a World Title Match against Shawn Michaels.

10 minute Intermission is called, which for some reason lasts 45 minutes.
Here we go with the second half…

UWA Tag Team Championship Match
Up In Smoke VS. Flatliners

Big reaction for the always popular Up In Smoke. Cloudy gets isolated in the beginning of the match, and wrestles both Flatliners for what seems like 10 minutes.

He finally gets the hot tag to Cheech, who cleans house. The usual Up In Smoke insanity happens, where a series of unrelated moves get hit one after another. But it’s entertaining, and that’s their thing, so who’s complaining?

Move of the night happens when the Flatliners absolutely destroy Cloudy with a Powerbomb/Lungblower. Cheech returns the favor by breaking up the pinfall with the sickest top-rope stomp I’ve ever seen.

In the end Cheech and Cloudy retain, and the crowd is generally pleased. Fun tag title match.

UWA Lightweight Championship Match
Hiromi Horiguchi VS. Dan Paysan

Horiguchi has a new look – he actually looks like he’s ready to go to war in feudal Japan. Dan Paysan comes out to his usual ovation. He’s looking a little softer around the middle than usual…I think he’s been eating a few too many Calzones.

Match has a long, slow build. At one point Paysan tells someone in the crowd “I’m taking it nice and slow”. Indeed he is. The language barrier seems to be hindering the match, which is understandable.

Hiromi has an interesting finisher – he hits an Air Raid Crash onto his knee, which scores a nearfall.

The finish comes with Paysan hitting his inverted Emerald Flowsion finisher, and Theo Jones counting three…but Hiromi kicks out, and Theo says it was a 2-count. The crowd is livid, and starts chanting that it was indeed a three count.

Paysan hits his inverted Emerald Flowsion once again, and scores the pinfall to win the Lightweight Championship. The crowd was a little indifferent after the previous botched finish, so Paysan decides to hit Theo with his finisher to spice things up. That got a nice reaction from the crowd.

This wasn’t his best outing, but Paysan is a great talent and should bounce back next month with an English-speaking opponent.

UWA Canadian Championship Match
Josh Prohibition VS. Delirious

Delirious is over huge with the crowd. He comes out with his usual antics. Josh Prohibition doesn’t start with his usual speech, which is disappointing. J-Pro is in the top 10 on the planet when it comes to cutting promos, and it’s always a highlight when we get to hear from him.

Some fun spots towards the beginning with Delirious rolling to the outside, then hiding under the ring and sneak-attacking Josh. Some wild brawling in the crowd gets a good reaction.

Back in the ring Delirious gets control, and a ref-bump takes out the official. An imposter Delirious hits the ring, and he lays down for J-Pro! 1…2…save by the real Delirious! All of a sudden I’m thinking that Vince Russo is backstage calling the shots.

J-Pro kicks Delirious in the nuts, nails the Drunken Driver and that’s it. Prohibition retains via pinfall in passable title match. There was little doubt in the mind of the crowd who would walk away with the championship, but it was a fun match with an interesting twist for a finish.

 

Match of the Night: Tyler Black vs. Kevin Steen (Knight/Generico is a close second)
Spot of the Night: Flatliners hit the powerbomb/lung-blower on Cloudy
Wrestler of the Night: Tyler Black

 

Notes:

• Steen/Generico vs. Black/Jimmy Jacobs (or maybe Necro butcher) would be a phenomenal main event. The groundwork is already there for this match.
• Get well soon, Jack Evans…I want to see a high-flying spotfest between the two most innovative lightweights on the indy scene, you and Matt Cross.
• Could we be seeing some women’s action in UWA sometime soon? Lacey vs. Daisy Haze is on my wishlist.

MMA all weekend long, baby.

This weekend was so packed with MMA fights that I lack the energy to go in depth into any one of them. Here are a few things that were great about the last three days:

Frank Shamrock beating up Phil Baroni. The fight of the weekend, hands down. With a messed up knee and no cardio training, Frank was unable to shoot in on Baroni, so he stood and traded punches with him (something Baroni said Frank was afraid to do). Not only that, but Shamrock nearly KOed the self-proclaimed “Knockout Artist” in R1, and again in R2 before choking him unconscious.

Baroni not tapping out. He tried to fight out of Frank’s rear naked choke, but instead took a nap. Great finish to a spectacular fight.

Frank Shamrock’s post-fight interview. Frank reminds everyone that he kicked Baroni’s ass with a bad knee and no cardio training. He also called Baroni his “dancing monkey” and said he never had a chance at winning. Frank Shamrock has got to be the most arrogant jerk in the history of MMA, and I love it.

Street fighter Kimbo Slice debuts.

And wins.

By guillotine choke.

OK, it was against a very tired looking 47-year-old Ray Mercer, but he still won. And to everyone’s surprise (including Mercer), Kimbo was willing to stand and box it out for a bit.

Boxers, do yourselves a favor and stick with head bobbing and big padded gloves. You’ll only embarrass yourself in a cage.

Gray Maynard DDTs himself into unconsciousness by trying to shoot in on Rob Emerson. Self-explanatory.

And also awesome.

Rob Emerson’s post-fight comments. “I’m not going to consider this a win. I’m going to consider this a no-contest.” Huh? You tapped out, and then lucked out since Maynard was unable to continue. How would anyone consider this a win?

Sweet, beautiful, fragrant justice as Lay-and-Pray specialist Manny Gamburyan gets injured trying to shoot in on Nate Diaz. Let’s hope his rehab lasts several years.

Nate Diaz disses UFC for not “respecting” his brother Nick. Too many things are funny about this statement to comment on.

BJ Penn snubs UFC and pimps his personal website. After dominating and choking out Jens Pulver in R2, Penn had this to say: “You want to know what BJ Penn is thinking? Go to BJPenn.com!”

With Dana White trying to fuck over any website that doesn’t have the URL www.ufc.com, it’s nice that someone was able to sneak in a quick plug and get some much-deserved self promotion.

Chris Benoit dead at 40

Absolutely no idea what to say about this. I can’t really add anything news-wise…at this point I’m sure everyone has heard about the murder/suicide in Atlanta.

I’m so sad and confused. After losing Owen Hart, after losing Eddie Geurerro, after losing Shin’ya Hashimoto, and after Hayabusa was paralyzed, it’s hard to deal with the death and permanent injury of men who were SO dedicated. Were SO passionate about the sport I love.

I don’t know where wrestling in North America can go from here, but I know it will never be the same. Not after this.

R.I.P. Chris Benoit
1967-2007

Thank you for the memories.

Retro leg-snapping goodness…

A good way to start your Thursday? Watch Sid Vicious jump off the top rope and snap his leg like a twig. I should probably warn you that this is very disturbing.

That’s what you get for trying to kick Scott Steiner.

El Dorado: Next Door Project

Are you a fan of puroresu? If not, you will be…check this shit:

The Iceman gets cold-cocked by Rampage!

If you believe the UFC hype-machine, you probably already know that Chuck ‘The Iceman’ Liddell is the greatest pound-for-pound fighter of all time, has one-punch KO power, is a living legend, has a PhD in astrophysics, can leap tall buildings in a single bound, and has tears that can cure cancer.

OK, I made the last three up, but I’m sure Mike Goldberg will mention at least one of them on the next pay-per-view event.

But for all the years of hype, all the build-up, and all the mainstream marketing efforts, it came unraveled in just two minutes. On May 26 2007, Quentin ‘Rampage’ Jackson, a relatively unknown fighter to American audiences, destroyed Liddell, and became the UFC Light Heavyweight Champion.

If Dana White had any hair left, he would have been ripping it out.

Now the UFC runs into a number of problems with promoting their golden boy…

Problem #1: You can’t give him a rematch. He already lost to Rampage in 2003, and this time he didn’t just lose – he looked like a fool in the process.

The cold, dominant stare we’re used to seeing from the Iceman was replaced with a look of concern and fear. Backpedaling for the entire fight, at one point Rampage actually stopped, opened his arms wide and cocked his head to the side with a frustrated look on his face, as if to say “I thought we were here to fight?”

Then shortly thereafter, with one swift hook, Liddell was on the canvas with his arms limp and lifeless, unable to defend himself.

0-2 against Rampage, it’s unlikely we’ll see a third fight any time soon.

Problem #2: You can’t keep feeding him opponents he’s comfortable against. As every MMA commentator says ad nauseam, “Styles make fights” – and Liddell is clearly comfortable against a certain style: grapplers with questionable striking ability…especially fighters he already defeated.

Check out his record by clicking here – in 2006 Liddell defeated three people, all grapplers, all of whom he had already beaten.

With the arrival of 205-pound fighters with far more striking ability, such as Wanderlei Silva, Shogun Rua, Michael Bisping and even Dan Henderson, you can’t continue to pad Liddell’s record by giving him what he wants.

And if he starts fighting against guys in their prime, who can actually strike…we might be seeing Chuck on his back on a far more regular basis.

Problem #3: He’s no spring chicken. At 37 years of age, Chuck ain’t getting any younger.

With the prospect of facing younger, more well-rounded competition and no title rematch on the horizon, where does UFC go from here? Spend the next couple years letting Chuck beat up on sub-par competition, and then give him a title shot when he’s nearly 40?

Or throwing Liddell into the Octagon against real competition, and risk him getting KOed two, or even three consecutive times and permanently destroy his credibility?

In five years I believe Liddell will leave a legacy similar to Ken Shamrock and Don Frye – a broken down shell of his former self, exiting his career on a series of losses because he doesn’t know when to hang up his gloves and admit that his best years are behind him.

Greatest. Post. Ever.

This was in response to my Boxing vs. MMA post. Excellent stuff.

 From Sasha:

Now that MMA is – collectively as a sporting genre – beating boxing financially and in popular culture, the old bastards with no sense of reality are coming out in full force:

http://staugustine.com/stories/053007/sports_4626474.shtml

Immediately, you know you’re in for an impartial, bias-free and rational comparison between the two fighting entertainment industries when the article starts, “…I am an incurable, die-hard lover of the Sweet Science.” Apparently, boxing is still the “sweet science” while MMA is just a bunch of drunk assholes brawling it out for the right to nail the toothless, 50-something, mother of nine waitress at the end of the night.

I think the point is that, until the true and beautiful “sweet science” of nature culling the old and enfeebled finally plays out, there will always be a boxer or sports writer or promoter who laments the rise in popularity than MMA has gained. There’s always going to be a Mayweather who is threatened by the fact that he is the best athlete in the fighting world’s equivalent of lawn bowling. There’s always going to be a Burwell who fights off the cloud of old age and senility long enough to remember the good old days when “fighting” was watching two grown men dance around each other, miss most of their punches and then hug in the corner when they get tired.

Sweet science? How about the science behind well-timed sprawls to avoid take-downs? How about the science behind defending yourself when mounted, and attacking while in the mount? What about a fighter thinking four moves and a minute into the future in order to execute a flawless rear naked choke? If anything, MMA is more of a science, more of a strategic competition. Your worries don’t end at well-placed jabs and lunges…you have low and high kicks to throw/block…takedowns and submissions to execute or defend against. Doesn’t it just make sense that fists, feet, elbows, knees, striking, submission and takedowns require more science and strategic planning than just fists?

“But now I’m worried that the Sweet Science is in trouble…”

And so you should be. Boxing is irrelevant – it has been for years, and over a decade of 1 round knockouts (complete with multi-million dollar payouts) and asshole champions left a void that MMA filled exceptionally well.

“and will be replaced by another blood sport that is not nearly as sweet, and about as scientific as a dark alley brawl.”

You mean, like Mike Tyson biting someone’s ear off?

“There is something disturbingly appealing to the current culture about a sport such as ultimate fighting, which lacks much of the style and skill of boxing at its highest form.”

Why is there an automatic assumption that MMA fighters don’t train, don’t focus their skills and techniques, and don’t dedicate their lives to becoming better fighters? What fighters like Fedor, Cotoure and Hughes go through on a daily basis just so that they can be a little better and a little more effective with each and every fight puts most boxers to shame. Both athletes perfect their punches, their agility and their general striking; now add to that the training and science behind leg and head kicks…grappling…take-down defense…MMA IS boxing’s highest form – old pricks who write articles about how bad MMA is just haven’t realized it yet.

I find it amusing that someone who loves a sport which started with two untrained men brawling would complain about another sport based on the same principles. If boxing has evolved into a “sweet science”, then MMA surely has as well.

Watch a boxing match from the 40’s, and then watch a fat ninja get his life owned in UFC 2 to see how far both sports have come.

“Watching Sugar Ray Robinson practice his craft was like watching a brilliant dancer with a bad attitude. Watching an ultimate fighter practice his craft is like watching a bad Patrick Swayze movie.”

The writer obviously has a fascination with male dancers and Patrick Swayze. If he wants to be taken seriously when it comes to his opinion on fighting, perhaps he could try being less of a faggot.

This video might change your life.

Jushin Liger is a 15-minute drive from my house.

UWA Hardcore Wrestling – the fastest growing independant wrestling federation in Canada (and maybe North America) is featuring an incredible two-night event. May 25 and 26 Jushin Liger, Ultimo Dragon and several wrestlers from Toryumon will be appearing in Mississauga, Ontario.

Night two – the 26th – will feature a one-on-one matchup with Liger vs. Ultimo. If you can make your way to the GTA, come and check it out. For Japanese wrestling fans this is literally a once in a lifetime opportunity.